Auschwitz

Today I walked where other people stood for the very last time. I stood where they last glimpsed the blue sky, and I glimpsed a tiny piece of their terror.

This morning I set out early for my trip to Auschwitz. I knew that I could not prepare myself for what I was going to see but I feel that it's important to see with your own eyes. To hear stories of Auschwitz is one thing but to experience it for yourself is completely different. After an almost 2 hour bus ride, we arrived at Auschwitz I. I bought a guide book and set out on my own. I wanted to experience alone and not as part of a tour. I followed the map and read all the signs as I went. This was so different from Sachsenhausen because the buildings are all there. I didn't take many pictures of what I saw in the buildings out of respect to those people who left them behind. All I can do is tell you what I saw. The first thing that made an impact was a giant display case of hair. Balls of matted hair were piled behind glass, an estimated 7000 kg of hair was found and on display was only about 1500 kg. The thing that struck me was when I saw a piece of blond hair that looked like a pony tail. It was very real then. I also saw displays of suitcases, hundreds of them, and each of them had a name and numbers written on them. These belonged to someone and held all the possessions they could carry, all the things they treasured most. My heart was heavy. In another room were shoes, thousands and thousands of shoes. Shoes showing how much people cared about how they looked, how they hoped they would need something nice to wear.  Shoes showing they were walked in and worn. Shoes of toddlers, of women, of men. And with them some toddler clothes. Babies can't work and were usually sent immediately to the gas chambers. A pile of hair brushes, shaving brushes and toothbrushes were next. The image that haunted me the most though were the photographs that lined the walls. Men with shaved heads and wearing striped clothing. Their eyes told it all. Some were still hopeful, others were angry, some were full of sorrow, and some had accepted their fate. The eyes were what brought tears to my eyes as these were the faces that tell the story. These beautiful people were guinea pigs and innocent souls taken because of the beliefs of one man who had the power to turn an entire race of people into leppers. Some of the soldiers working in these camps had to be evil; I don't know how they could have looked into the eyes of these grown men, let alone the eyes of women and children and not have felt remorse, or fear, or compassion. There were other faces too, some of women and children. But it was the faces of the men, the ones who are the heads of households, the protectors of families, the fathers, husbands, brothers, and sons. They were the ones who saw right into my soul. I truly feel like I left a piece of myself with them.

After seeing the first gas chamber I left to take the shuttle to Auschwitz II- Birkeneau. This site was massive. Many buildings were gone, with chimneys and foundations remaining. In some fields, ugly remnants stick up and remind us of what once was. I saw for myself the beds where they slept. While Auschwitz I was made of multi level brick buildings resembling dormitories, Auschwitz II was made of small, single story, barn like constructions. The beds were three high but the bottom bed was on the floor on cement. They were deep enough to hold 4-5 people on each of the three levels. But with little space between beds, I can't imagine the panic as it felt like being closed in. The cement pads from the bottom beds had been worn down so you could see exactly where they were used the most. Some of the buildings had actually been barns set up for 52 horses and were instead used to house up to 700 people.  I walked all the way to the back, where there is a memorial, and through the forest to a path that would take me to the ruins of the crematoriums. As I walked through old leaves and snow I could hear noises behind me. Turning there was no one there. After this happened several times I said a silent prayer to the people of the camp. And all of a sudden a rabbit darted in front of me. I nearly had a heart attack right then and there. Catching my breath I walked but I could still hear slight crunching sounds following behind me. I could even smell smoke in certain parts of the camp. And at one spot I could hear a girl laughing. I was alone. I wasn't scared though. How could a place where such devastation had occurred not have a few ghosts.

The long bus ride back to the hostel gave me time to think. I am grateful for all I have and for being able to see for myself what happened in Auschwitz. I also have the strong belief that this could never happen again. The people of the world would never allow it. So despite having a heavy heart and having left a small of it behind with the victims and their memories I am glad to have spent the day in sorrow. In rememberance.